PHANTASM DIALOGUE SCRIPT Transcribed from PHANTASM by Steve Schulte REGGIE: "Jody." JODY: "Hi Reg." REGGIE: "How's it goin'? Tommy's gone." JODY: "It's uh, it's a helluva way to end a trio." REGGIE: "It's hard to believe...uh...killed himself." JODY: "Hey, I uh...I'm gonna go visit somebody. Uh, I'll catch you inside. REGGIE: "Yeah." ---------- THE TALL MAN: "The funeral is about to begin...Sir!" JODY: "Okay...Sir." REGGIE: "Hey, it was a good idea not to let your little brother come to the funeral and see Tommy like this. JODY: "Yeah. After Mom and Dad's funeral he had nightmares for weeks." ---------- JODY: "Hey, I don't like this place." REGGIE: "Well, say goodbye to Tommy." JODY: "Let's just get the hell outta here." ---------- FORTUNETELLER'S GRANDDAUGHTER: "Hi Michael." MIKE: "Hi. Uh, is your grandmother home?" GRANDDAUGHTER: "Sure, come in." GRANDDAUGHTER: "Grandmother, Michael has returned and wishes to speak with you." GRANDDAUGHTER: "Grandmother is pleased you've come and wants to know what's bothering you." MIKE: "Uh, tell her that I...um..." GRANDDAUGHTER: "She can hear you." MIKE: "Um, yeah. Uh, it's Jody again. I found out that he's leaving." ---------- MIKE: "I think it's one of these headers in here." JODY: "Hey Toby!" TOBY: "Heeey." JODY: "So what brings ya back?" TOBY: "Tommy." JODY: "Yeah...yeah, shoot. Boy, I just don't get off on funerals man. They give me the creeps." TOBY: "I uh...I just wanna tell ya I heard about your folks. I'm really sorry." JODY: "Yeah, thank you man. It's uh...in two years I guess ya can get over just about anything." TOBY: "So uh...hear you been out on the road." JODY: "Yeah." TOBY: "How come you're hanging around this dump?" JODY: "Well I'm taking care of the kid, ya know." TOBY: "Shit, I'd think after uh, all that action, this town'd drive you nuts." JODY: "You're damn right. Now the kid's thirteen, um, and I'm thinking of sending him off to live with his aunt. But I tell ya, he sure ain't gonna like it. I mean, as it is, he follows me everywhere. It's like... he knows I'm gonna leave. He's a tough little kid. I love 'im. I'm gonna miss him." ---------- GRANDDAUGHTER: "Grandmother has told you before not to worry. If he does leave, he'll take you with him." MIKE: "God, I hope she's right." GRANDDAUGHTER: "She always is." MIKE: "Uh, there's somethin' else. I'm really scared about something that I did. I was messing around up at Morningside Cemetery, and I saw something. Something really scary." ---------- GRANDDAUGHTER: "Michael, Grandmother wishes to play a little game." MIKE: "Woww! How'd ya do that?" GRANDDAUGHTER: "Put your hand in the box." MIKE: "Well what's in it?" GRANDDAUGHTER: "Just put your hand in the black box." MIKE: "Okay, but what's in it?....Hey this thing really hurts!" GRANDDAUGHTER: "Don't fear, Michael." MIKE: "I can't get my hand out!" GRANDDAUGHTER: "Don't fear." MIKE: "Gimme back my hand!" GRANDDAUGHTER: "Don't fear!....It was simple reflection. Fear is the killer. That's what Grandmother wants you to learn." MIKE: "Boy that really hurt." GRANDDAUGHTER: "It was all in your mind." MIKE: "Um, yeah." GRANDDAUGHTER: "Come and visit us again soon." MIKE: "Yeah." GRANDMOTHER: "Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh..." ---------- JODY: (singing, playing guitar) "Do do do do, do un do, Do do do do, do un do, Do do do do...Hi Reg." REGGIE: "Writin' a new tune?" JODY: "Annh, working on it. (singing) "I'm justa sittin' here at midnight heh heh heh, all right And I'll be sittin' here 'til noon. Ya see my lady left me lonely, Yeah she did My baby left me blue..." JODY & REGGIE: (together) "Unnh!" JODY: "Ha ha ha ha." REGGIE: "Hunh! Whew! All right. We're hot as love, you know." ---------- JODY: "Well uh, let's see. It's uh, just right up the street." JODY: "This is, uh, kinda spooky, isn't it?" LADY: "No, it's exciting. So uh, what's the only thing to do in this town?" JODY: "Well, it's uh, something..." ---------- JODY: "Woww." MIKE: "Woww." ---------- DWARF: "Uuuhnn...uuuhhhnn...uuuuhnnnnnnnnnn...uuuhh... RRRGGHHRRRGGHHHRNNGGH!!!" MIKE: "AAAAAAHHHHHHHAHAAHUH!!!" JODY: "What the heck?!" MIKE: "AAAAAHHHHHH!" JODY: "Wait here. It's my little brother. I think he's got some kind of a problem." MIKE: "AAAAHHHH!!! AAAHH!!!" JODY: "Mike! What's WRONG with you, man?" MIKE: "There's something up there. I know it, I saw it!" JODY: "What?" MIKE: "Okay, look. I was following you guys. I didn't mean any harm, but, it's out there and it's gonna get me!" JODY: "What's out there?" MIKE: "I don't know. It was...it was little and brown and low to the ground." JODY: "It's probably just a gopher in heat." MIKE: "It wasn't any gopher! Where's that girl anyway?" JODY: "Well she's waiting back there for my you idiot!" MIKE: " 'ja hear that?" JODY: "Nah, it's only the wind." MIKE: "Well you better go get her before IT gets her." JODY: "Whaddya got some kind of over-active imagination or somethin' man!? Look. Tell ya what. You go on home. I'll talk to ya when I get back." MIKE: "You sure you're gonna be okay?" JODY: "Ah, get outta here." ---------- JODY: "Did that chick that I left with last night ever come back in here?" BARTENDER: "What happened? You get a hold of something you couldn't handle?" JODY: "Nnnn, she just ditched out on me, I guess. We were uh, messin' around out there at Morningside." BARTENDER: "At the funeral parlor?" JODY: "Yeah, the cemetery." BARTENDER: "Heh heh heh." ---------- MIKE: "Jody? Is that you?" JODY: "OOHAAAAHHHHHH!!! Ya hit my fuckin' foot, man!" MIKE "Oh damn look. I know you're not gonna believe this, but these things were here, right in the garage, and they were gonna get me!" JODY: "Ahh, gimme a break, will ya?" MIKE: "They were jumping on the car, 'n making these...these weird sounds." JODY: "Sure it wasn't that, uh, retarded kid Timmy up the street?" MIKE: "Noo, it was the same thing that chased me last night! Well what're we gonna do?" JODY: "You're crazy, man. Huhh." ---------- MIKE: "Uuuummmmm...ohhh SHIT." ---------- MIKE: " 'n I gotta talk to you." ---------- JODY: "And it's in that box." MIKE: "Yup." JODY: "Okay, I believe you. Jesus! What's goin' on up there?" ---------- MIKE: "Well, there's somethin' I didn't tell ya. I was spying on Tommy's funeral from the groves with your binoculars, aaand after everbody had left, that tall man picked up Tommy's coffin all by himself, 'n, put it in the hearse, 'n drove off." JODY: "You're crazy. I helped carry that sucker myself, musta weighed over five hundred pounds. Boy, I can't figger this thing out. But I do know one thing. Something weird is going on up there. We're goin' for the sheriff. Go get yer...evidence." MIKE: "All right!" ---------- MIKE: "That's funny." MIKE: "Jody! Jody! ...The garbage disposal. Come on." JODY: "Ya ready? Go!" JODY: "Would ya look at that." REGGIE: (knocks - POUND pound POUND pound) REGGIE: "Hi guys. Heh heh, just thought I'd come over, 'n see what was goin' on before the kids got outta summer school. Hey Mike, you wanna ride along with me today? It's pretty warm outside, 'n the ice cream's gonna be flyin' fast 'n furious. 'Member how good you were at crowd control last time...Hey, what's goin' on here?" MIKE: "OOOOAAAAHHHHH!!! AAAUUAHH!!!" REGGIE: "WHAT the HELL is goin' on!?" ---------- JODY: "Here. You keep that. Now remember, you don't aim a gun at a man unless you intend to shoot him. And you don't shoot a man unless you intend to kill him. No warning shots...hey, you listenin' to me?" MIKE: "Yeah." JODY: "No warning shots. Warning shots are bullshit. You shoot to kill, or you don't shoot at all. Now you'll be safe here. Just lock all the doors and windows. And don't follow me." MIKE: "You sure you're gonna be okay with that?" JODY: "I'm just gonna go up there and take a look around, nobody's gonna see me. But heck, a Colt Army Issue will put a man down, and keep him there." MIKE: "Remember that broken basement window around by the side, and, be careful." ---------- JODY: "All right, who's in there? Mike?" MIKE: "Damn door latch! Get in!" MIKE: "Uh oh, here it comes!" JODY: "There's nobody drivin' that muther!" MIKE: "Pump's in the back seat." JODY: "Okay, slow down 'n let him ride right up on our ass." MIKE: "There was nobody...there was nobody driving!" JODY: "I'm gonna get that bastard!" MIKE: "Ohh Jesus!" JODY: "All right, speed up. I'm gonna put a few in the engine." MIKE: "Okay." MIKE: "Holy SHIT!" JODY: "Weh hoohoohooo!" ---------- JODY: "It's one of those dwarves. He went right through it!" JODY: "Tommy!" ---------- JODY: "Reggie. We got one of 'em. Uh, in Colton in the groves. All right. Uh, Reg? Bring your truck." ---------- REGGIE: "Holy Jesus! You didn't tell me the dwarf was Tommy. Hell, we buried him on Monday and look what they did to him. He's only three feet long, he must still weigh two hundred pounds. What's all this yellow shit comin' out of his head? JODY: "Careful, get 'im in there. Better padlock it." REGGIE: "Hey, this guy's not gonna leak all over my ice cream, is he?" JODY: "Neh, I'll see ya back in the house." REGGIE: "Right." ---------- MYRTLE: "Hey! You boys back yet?!" REGGIE: "Jesus Christ Myrtle. You almost gave me a coronary." ---------- JODY: "But I just can't figure out WHY...why they're taking these bodies, and crushing 'em down to half size. Crushing 'em!" MIKE: "What about Mom and Dad? They're up there too." JODY: "Ayy, just ferget about that." REGGIE: "Okay, I see it. I see it all now. What we gotta do is snag that tall dude, and stomp the SHIT out of him, and we'll find out what the hell is goin' on up there. Yeah, we'll lay that sucker out flat and drive a stake right through his goddamn heart!" MIKE: "Man, you gotta be shittin' me man, that muther's STRONG." JODY: "Hey, hold on. First thing is, I want Mike outta here. Reg, you take him over to Sally's, the antique store. He'll be safe there. Then hustle on back. And Mike, no arguments." ---------- SALLY: "Jody sure sounded strange on the phone. I hope he's feeling okay." SUSIE: "Sally, did you see these new settings?" SALLY: "Oh, these are nice. Ya know, I think I'm gonna lock up. Michael, when ya get sleepy, I've got a bed made up for ya in back." ---------- MIKE: "You HAVE to take me home." SALLY: "But why?" MIKE: "No questions. You MUST take me home." ---------- MIKE: "Oh my God, pull over. ...Stay in the car and DON'T get out. I'll be right back." SALLY: "Michael, wait a minute." SALLY: "Is that Reggie's truck?" MIKE: "Let's get outta here, quick!" SUSIE: "Michael, what is going on." MIKE: "Just get me home." SALLY: "What the hell's that?" MIKE: "Oh shit. Get outta here! Don't open it! OOHHAAAHH!" ---------- JODY: "Hey man." MIKE: "They got Sally and Susie...up at Morningside. And Reggie too." JODY: "You better get on up to your room, man." MIKE: "I'm goin' with you!" JODY: "Nope." MIKE: "I'm not letting you go by yourself! Lemme go goddammit! Sonuvabitch! You're not letting me go, are ya?! You're never coming back, you goddamn bastard! Don't leave me alone! ...Open the damn door!" ---------- THE TALL MAN: "I've been waiting for you!" ---------- JODY: "He has to be in there." ---------- MIKE: "I'm sorry Daddy, but we had to....OOHAAAAAA!" ---------- MIKE: "Oh my God..." ---------- MIKE: "Jody..." JODY: "Yeah." MIKE: "Um, I...I opened up his... Ferget it. C'mon. There's this door down here. And I'll bet there's something behind it." JODY: "Well, let's take a look then." MIKE: "Welp, that's the door." JODY: "Hey man, I dunno..." REGGIE: "Hey! M'all right guys." MIKE: "Hey Reg, ya ain't dead!" REGGIE: "No, and I aint three foot two yet either." JODY: "What's goin' on." REGGIE: "Hey man, I don't know. I've been hiding in a casket playin' like a stiff, but I did find the girls, I found Sally and Sue, and uh...a couple of other girls I never even saw before." MIKE: "Were they dead?" REGGIE: "No. I snuck 'em out a window and they took off through the bushes like scared rabbits." JODY: "All right. Well, after you my friend." REGGIE: "You be my guest." ---------- JODY: "Jeeez. DWARVES... God Reggie, LOOK at this." MIKE: (thinking) FORTUNETELLER'S GRANDDAUGHTER: "Don't fear." ---------- JODY: "Jesus! God, I just GRABBED him there." MIKE: "Slaves." REGGIE: "What?" MIKE: "Slaves! They're using 'em for slaves! The dwarves! And they gotta crush 'em, cuz of the gravity...and the heat. And this is the door to their planet." REGGIE: "Yeah. And these guys are all ready to go!" MIKE: "Yeeaahh." ---------- JODY: "Okay. Stay together." MIKE: "Wait a sec, I think I got a lighter." JODY: "Quick, light it up." DWARF: "RRRRGGHHGGHH!" MIKE: "AAAHHHHHHH!!" JODY: "Over here, follow me!" REGGIE: "Jody, where are ya? Mike!?" DWARF: "uuhnn...hhnnnrrgg." REGGIE: "Awwww, SHIT." ---------- JODY: "Miiiike! Mike! Where are ya? Mike!" MIKE: "Jody! Jody, where are ya?! Jody! Jody! ...Jody!" MIKE: "Jody, where are ya?!" JODY: "Mike! Mike! ...Mike, Mike, c'mon. We gotta find Reggie." MIKE: "Where's Reggie? We gotta find him! ...It's Reggie! We...!" JODY: "No!" MIKE: "C'mon! We gotta help him!" JODY: "No, you can't help him! He's dead!" ---------- JODY: "There's a...there's an old mine shaft, way down by the...by the end of Singer's creek. Thousand feet straight down. We just gotta fff...we just gotta figure out a way to get him up there." MIKE: "Well what're we gonna do without Reggie?" JODY: "Reggie's the last he'll ever get, cuz we're gonna run that bastard straight down to hell. Look, you go in and try to find some more ammo. I'm gonna haul ass over there and get rid of that warning barrier around the mine shaft and camouflage it. Okay, lock up the house good, and stay in there. I'll be right back." ---------- THE TALL MAN: "Heh heh heh Heh Heh HEH HEH HEH. BOYYYYY!!!" THE TALL MAN: "You play a good game Boy, but the game is finished. Now you DIE." MIKE: "Don't fear...don't fear..." MIKE: "Uuhh! Don't fear..." ---------- THE TALL MAN: "AAAAUUGGHHHHHHH!!!" ---------- MIKE: "I hear the sounds. I know those rocks aren't gonna hold him. Not for long." REGGIE: "Hey, you had a dream. Just a nightmare. Whadda ya expect, you've hardly slept since the funeral last week." MIKE: "I know those rocks aren't gonna hold him. First he took Mom and Dad, then he took Jody, and now he's after me." REGGIE: "Mike, that tall man of yours did not take Jody away. Jody died in a car wreck." REGGIE: "Mike, ya had a bad dream. Now I know you're scared, but you're not alone. I'll take care of you. I know I can't ever take Jody's place, but I'm sure as hell gonna try." MIKE: "Seems so real." REGGIE: "Ya know pardner, what we need is a change of scenery. Why don't you and me hit the road for a couple of weeks." MIKE: "Where would we go?" REGGIE: "Well, I don't know. I guess we can figure that one out when we get there." MIKE: "Okay." REGGIE: "Well get on upstairs, get your gear, cuz we leave when the sun comes up. Mmm mmm mmm mmmmmm hmm hmmmmmm hmmm, mmm mmm mmm hmmmm mmm mmm hmmmmmm..." ---------- THE TALL MAN: "BOYYYYYYYY!!!!"